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How the Tongue leads to a dysfunctional Marriage – the devil’s invisible tactics on women

It is unheard of for anyone to invest in a marriage only to look forward to its downfall. Couples always expect the first days glam to last forever. Unfortunately, partners usually do not comprehend when the bright future of the marriage changes to dysfunctional marriage. Most of the time, they innocently blame each other for the mishap.

A marriage never moves from good to bad and eventually worse in a day. As the partners gradually pull apart within the same home, they ironically expect a better tomorrow but get disappointed. Knowing what happened when they already spilled the beans leads to regrets. Underneath the smiles lies the unseen cracking union.

What happens behind the scenes?

Yeah! The breakup takes place behind the scenes because they hardly notice the little input towards the division.

They want the marriage but unknowingly lead it to the pit.

To avoid other failed marriages acting as your role models, you need to get to the inner core of what is likely to have led to their breakups. These ten points will keep you alert and help you make wise decisions concerning your relationship.

10 dysfunctional marriage catalysts chronologically explained

  1. Negatively discussing your husband.
  2. Confronting your husband based on suspicion.
  3. Mounting a grudge between you and your husband.
  4. Denying your husband his conjugal rights.
  5. Your husband begins to look around for a place to relieve himself. 
  6. He develops divided attention between you and his new catch.
  7. You catch him cheating beyond a reasonable doubt, pack and leave.
  8. The first few years of divorce or separation look promising.
  9. Your situation converts you to a newscaster against marriage.
  10. Permanent regrets.

Negatively discussing your husband

Some cases are worth the involvement of a third party whereas other cases aren’t. Speaking out has built marriages and destroyed marriages too. Before you mention your spouse, evaluate its necessity and the listener. She will either help you build your marriage or assist you to destroy it.

Women have somehow proved to be consultants by nature. In the process of consultation, comparison creeps in and converts the well-intended discussion to gossip.

You become the first to infringe on your privacy.

A spouse is more like private property. What you say or do as a couple is incomparable to what you do when you engage a business partner, sibling, or friend. Your intimacy begins from your thoughts to your words and actions. Before you make any move, you have to carefully consider its pros and cons.

Looking at what exactly sent you to your friend, it was not even disagreement in the first place, but a mere friendly chat. You walk out of that discussion with an altered mind that makes you approach your spouse with an unusual attitude.

Whether he asks you or not, the tension affects your relationship.

Confronting your husband based on suspicion

You opened the pandora box. Your friend planted some imaginary good qualities of a husband which your husband seems to be lacking. You will effortlessly try to convert your husband to what he is not.

In your friend’s opinion, if her husband cooks, yours should cook too. Since her husband reports home early after work, she expects your husband to do the same. She likes the fact that her husband is an introvert and makes you believe that all men have to be antisocial for marriage to work.

Socializing does not necessarily breed the dreaded habits that break up marriages! If anything, we learn more by engaging with the right people. Good business ideas come from the most unexpected discussions!

After observing your husband for a while, you are likely to confront him with baseless suspicions. You’re likely to become snoopy over his phone discussions and even check his phone for suspicious messages. Coincidentally, you might come across a message that might cut your relationship in the middle.

Your husband will either decide to ignore your allegations, amicably explain himself, or confront you. If he chooses to ignore or confront you, the situation worsens. A dysfunctional marriage begins to unfold although you may not see it.

Mounting a grudge between you and your husband

Since you first discussed your husband with your friend, something changed. It has now spilled from you to your husband. If you go ahead and hold a grudge, you ruin the relationship more. He is also likely to keep you at bay! The essence of living as a couple begins to lose meaning.

Lack of communication finds its way into your marriage. Meanwhile, you keep updating your friend on the happenings in your home. She also keeps adding salt to the injury. You have probably incorporated more toxic friends. Matters are getting worse. The two of you are not in talking terms.

One of you then decides to let go. The relationship gets back to normal for a while. This is where you get cheated yet in the real sense, the devil has carefully knitted himself at the hem of your marriage. The devil has to test the waters with the first step. Whatever happens at this point leads to the next. He is now watching from within.  He patiently waits for recurrent grudges.

The moment you discover something unusual in your husband, you get angry at him again. Your mind is not under your control. Somewhere in your conscience, you decide to do something that appears more vicious.

Denying your husband his conjugal rights

You’re getting to the next level. Denying your husband his conjugal rights is an advanced way of holding a grudge. You have graduated from bad to worse. The mountain that you began to build from a simple friendly discussion is growing. You’re getting to the core of a dysfunctional marriage.

It may look simple in the beginning but even with the best of husbands, a time comes when hell breaks loose. He has tried his level best to ensure your relationship gets better but you are adamant. You have transferred your disagreements from the living room to the bedroom.

Depending on your husband’s personality, he may not want to appear unreasonable. He perseveres in this situation for a while. Meanwhile, you deny him his conjugal rights on an on-off basis depending on the previous factors that led to the rift between the two of you.

It may look normal but the more you deny him his conjugal rights for no apparent reason, the more he walks away yet still within. You begin to lengthen the dry spells. When nature calls, he gets tempted to find a helping hand!

A book in your hands can, however, help you avoid the statistics of a dysfunctional marriage. Find it here.

Your husband begins to look around for a place to relieve himself

We meet so many people in our day to day activities. Some of them make sexual advances, but we decline based on our allegiance to our spouses. We also want to maintain our dignity.

Irrespective of the fact that sex is sacred and meant for couples, we cannot run away from the reality on the ground. Illicit sex takes place much more than we would imagine. The moment your husband dips himself into this hotbed of infiltration, he changes for worse.

Your disagreements graduate from external to internal. It has now moved from your bedroom to another place, with someone who isn’t you. He has defiled the Lord’s temple and disregarded his vows. At this point, it is bigger than it looks.

For as long as you do not know about his extramarital affair, life continues as usual. At this point, he has no intention of divorcing you. He just wants to feel adequately supplied with his needs. There is a possibility that he doesn’t even love the other woman! Maybe he feels sorry within! Without a doubt, he now thinks of someone else besides you. The vows he took are no longer in the picture.

He develops divided attention between you and his new catch

Your husband begins to share his finances with her too. Depending on the type of person she is, she is likely to demand exorbitant amounts. This will eat into your home treasury. Maybe you have realized your bedroom life is crippled but you have no evidence, so there is still no cause for alarm!

Initially, you denied him his conjugal rights. He is now the one denying you your rights not because he has a grudge, but because someone else has stolen his attention. Remember, the devil came to steal, destroy, and kill. It no longer matters whether he gets intimate with you or not.

Your chain of destructive friends may have grown. That suspicion that they initially instilled in you has become a reality. When you reach out to them, they make matters worse. Some of them could be close relatives!

Your husband gets so drowned in this affair to the extent that he doesn’t see the repercussions. He’s not right either; both of you are wrong. The other woman seems to be supplementing what he doesn’t get at home! Irrespective of the fact that he felt guilty of the relationship when it began, that guilt fades away. He even forgets that he owes his responsibility to you, and becomes a bit careless.

You catch him cheating beyond a reasonable doubt, pack and leave

The slowly drifting marriage becomes a dysfunctional marriage. You are unable to comprehend the fact that your discussion with an undeserving friend gave birth to your breakup. Your bitterness cannot even allow room for reconciliation. The devil sends you back to the same people and makes sure they continue to misadvise you.

Your husband’s attempt to make up with you bears no fruit. You are fully decided. Without a second thought, you pack and leave. You keep blaming your husband for the painful new phase of your life. Your little ones have to put up with the fact that their father’s face is no longer in the vicinity.

The initial source of anger does not cross your mind. Separately, you continue to live your lives while the pain kills each of you. He regrets his immersion in the other relationship, but you don’t seem to take any blame! According to you, you’re not the source of the problem.

Your relatives and friends support you. A mother’s pain consumes your mother and she develops hatred towards your husband. Everyone around this whole saga is stressed. They feel your husband has wasted you, yet they don’t understand his side of the story.

Here comes the other way of dealing with adultery.

The first few years of divorce or separation look promising

After a while, you get used to living as a single mother. When you hear your husband moved on, it somehow validates his cheating on you. He waited for your return in vain. He is the bad guy in the eyes of your circles.

Marriage comes with responsibility and a need for consultation to partake in some activities. Single life on the other hand is a one-man show. Nobody else matters in your decisions.

Soon, some married man tries his luck on you. He is rich, affords to take responsibility for your children’s needs. He provides beyond your husband’s ability. You become comfortable and get deceived he loves you more than he loves his wife and family. Once again, you begin to glow. The pain that the separation inflicted diminishes.

Meanwhile, your husband already has a child with his newfound wife. You have no intention of getting children with your new catch. Life is just good and your friends can see it. They use you as a practical example to aid the devil in destroying other marriages. In their words “she quit her marriage, and she’s doing much better.” Other people get duped to take your route.

The chain of failed marriages grows from a simple misplaced discussion with one friend. This article helps you understand how suspicion can convert yours to a dysfunctional marriage.

Your situation converts you to a newscaster against marriage

When you have moved from grass to grace, you are likely to think it is God’s favor. The favor of the Lord begins on good grounds. We cannot refer to anything that began on mischievous grounds as the Lord’s favor. Never will the Lord link you up with a married man. He cannot go against His commandment that says “do not commit adultery.”

The evil one deceives you with temporary joy so that he gets an opportunity to lead you to the worst state. You are likely to mingle with like-minded ladies. You unknowingly wrecked your marriage and you’re now converting someone else’s marriage to a dysfunctional marriage! It was painful when you learned that your husband had an affair to the extent it sent you out of your home.

Are you anticipating that your boyfriend’s wife will leave her house because of you? Your friend’s wife may not do what you did. Even if she discovers your affair with her husband, she may choose to fight from within. A secret you may not want to mention; every wife dreads a dysfunctional marriage. 

Sooner or later, the man begins to pull away. He has weighed options and discovered your presence disrupts his family’s peace. You have to get moving once again but to which direction?

Permanent regrets

Looking back at your husband, he has no space for you. He tried to make a comeback, but you wouldn’t listen to him. Several years have elapsed. Your children are older. You are aging too.

Your husband has another family. His new wife tries to make him as happy as possible to keep you away from them. She believes she’s all right and tries her best to avoid a dysfunctional marriage. 

Your children know their biological father. They call your ex-boyfriend uncle. Irrespective of the fact that other men are trying to woo you, you find it difficult to give in. Several questions run in your mind.

What will you tell your teenagers?

Who is this new man?

What will they feel about your decision?

It is either you make a stern decision to live a single life with your teens, or secretly engage in an affair without their knowledge. Cat and mouse games are not easy to play.

Through friends and family, you keep eavesdropping to keep yourself informed of the happenings in your husband’s life. Most likely, you’re regretting but want to appear unperturbed.

Your friends have also gone through a myriad of challenges and have each withdrawn. They concentrate more on their personal lives. You are in a self-renewal world. Probably, you’re trying to deepen your relationship with God for consolation.


Marriage works if only we can implement some level of maturity. Your elder’s dysfunctional marriage needs not to be your point of reference. What you say in your first year of marriage can distribute the rot to your entire life and to other families too. You can imagine how many more people unknowingly wreck their marriages! Watch out! The tongue is too costly.

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The Secrets behind the Fourth Commandment of God – Honor your father and mother so that you may live a long life.

Back in the days when we were young and very good at mastery, we recited the Ten Commandments as laid down in Exodus 20 with resilience. It looked like our love for Christ was budding on our faces yet we did not quite figure out the comprehensive purpose of the Commandments. This Fourth Commandment directly touches on all persons as we are all grown children to our parents.   

The Fourth Commandment is the only one with a promise attached to it.

We understood obedience and fortunately our naivety resonated with the submission quite well. Along the way, as we grew up, many of us found ourselves moving from respect to disobedience. Flashing back, I realize the phrase “so that you may live a long life” was not well elaborated neither did we even notice it. Conversely, we can rephrase it to mean “so that you may not die prematurely.”

Why human life cycles defy the Fourth Commandment

I picture a recurrence of rebelliousness based on ignorance of its repercussions through generations. As we get busier trying to make ends meet, we tend to delegate our children’s Bible Study to schools and churches.

We forget that the indelible bond God created between a parent and children is a permanent responsibility to lead our kids to heaven. Children will grow up and leave those schools. They will also move from one parish to another as they relocate. In the process, they lose touch as they meet new people.

On the other hand, nothing can erase the parent-child bond no matter how far apart they live.

Some of the children end up disappointing us in the better part of their teenage and early adulthood. We may be partly to blame just like our parents may not escape the blame for our misbehavior.

Before I go into the secrets, let’s, first of all, understand the living a long life that God spoke about in the Fourth Commandment.

Premature death

The opposite of not living long is dying prematurely. Death occurs across all ages, some die as toddlers and others go beyond 100 years. Many Christians have literally understood premature death to mean dying before the 70 years stated in the Bible (Psalms 90:10). I do not dispute that but looking at it from another perspective, it could have a hidden meaning.

The death that leads to eternal life (necessitated by God) can occur when the Lord feels a person has accomplished the mission God intended for him on earth. Saint Joan of arc was one such example. You can read about her here.

On the other hand, the real premature death is instigated by the devil because of the exposure of the said person to sin thus being too vulnerable to the attacks of the evil one.

As much as our human nature doesn’t allow us to judge the spiritual state of a deceased person, let’s take an example of five people of ages 30, 40, 60, 80, and 100 years dying on the same day in different places across the globe. Assuming that they were all great people of God headed for eternal life, what reason would we give for their early deaths?

We leave it to God because He is the one who understands better.

However, among other reasons, they may have accomplished what God intended for them on earth which reverses their death from premature to full-term death!

Fourth Commandment rules

Our human nature doesn’t like rules and regulations whether in school or at work because they tie us down to discipline. We naturally dislike controls. 

Going back to God’s attachment to the Fourth Commandment, we are all children to our parents as the hierarchy transcends to the older folks and descends to our kids and grandchildren. So, God actually speaks to all of us in this Commandment but one thing I capture is that it is a permanent work in progress.

Children pick a character from parents. 

Parents are at the center-stage of this whole activity. Since everyone wants to live a long life, I collected some points to help instill these values in our children. We cannot keep telling kids God loves them without demonstrating that without them loving Him back, they are bound to lose!

Sirach 3: 1-16 disintegrates the Fourth Commandment caution into bits of information that if we subscribe to, we cannot miss to qualify for the promised long life. Without further ado, let me explain the teachings as they appear in the Bible.

The Lord has given fathers authority over their children and given children the obligation to obey their mothers.

Considering that God said a man and a woman will both leave their parents to begin their family, this theme suggests that the authority also applies when the kids are still dependent on their parents.

Since whoever is reading this article is not a child, it takes you back a few steps to help you figure out at what point you might have gone against the Lord’s Word and failed to repent.

Remember even in the law of the land, if you fail to appear in court for a case, a warrant of arrest is issued and once you get caught, the charges increase.

Therefore, disobeying a parent and declining to repent are two mistakes.

Begin by making up with the parent. You will understand why as you read on.

If you respect your father, you can make up for your sins and if you honor your mother you are earning great wealth.

What does God really mean when He tells us this? The Lord may decline to answer your prayers or to forgive your sins if you have no respect and honor for your parents as the Fourth Commandment instructs.

As a result, you will not earn great wealth. Wealth in a bigger picture includes good health and living a comfortable life.

Going against this statement can sink you into poverty no matter how much you pray.

If you respect your father, one day your own children will make you happy; the Lord will hear your prayers.

I said earlier on that rebelliousness replicates in consequent generations.

It will not be long before you also shed the tears your parents shed because of your ill behavior towards them. Your children may treat you badly not because they know you left your parents to suffer, but because you never garnered enough points to warrant their good treatment.

Every employee has a file in the human resources department. The employer files any documents concerning your conduct at work in that file. At the end of the year, the documents speak for you.

Your annual appraisal can, therefore, give you a salary boost and a bonus. Likewise, you may get one or none of the above because your file judged you.

The Lord also maintains His own type of a file for each of us. The clutter on the Fourth Commandment page is heavy enough to soak the other Commandments pages in the mud.

If you obey the Lord by honoring your father and making your mother happy, you will live a long life.

When you put a smile on your parent’s faces, you’re actually doing the same on the Lord’s face. Your parents are the bridge you cannot afford to ignore if you want to reach out to God on the other side of the river. Otherwise, you will slip into the river and drown because you have not put your parents in the mood to grab and save you.

Obey your parents as if you were their slave.

What this means is that even if your parents are on the wrong, try to solve the problem with utmost respect so that you get to a consensus without making them angry.

“Slave” is the keyword here. If you’re lucky to have at least one employee or more, you know what that means. If the disagreement is too heavy on you, you’d rather keep quiet and let it pass. That is what an employee does to enable him to keep putting food on his table through his earnings from his employer.

Honor your father in everything you do and say, so that you may receive his blessing.

Your words and deeds whether in the presence or absence of your father ought to give him a name worth respecting. This is because there is power in spoken words.

If your father keeps saying my son just drinks like a fool, you are likely to gradually move from worse to worst.

When your parents appreciate your behavior and support, their lips will be full of praises and that is powerful enough to trickle down God’s blessings upon you.

When parents give their blessing, they give strength to their children’s homes, but when they curse their children, they destroy the very foundations.

You surely have a home and your greatest desire in that home is a steadfast family full of peace. As much as your parents may be living miles away, whatever they think or say about you contributes to the stability of your home.

Parents are in fact some small gods that we have to cautiously relate with without bruising them.

Never seek honor for yourself at your father’s expense; it is not to your credit if he is dishonored.

“At your father’s expense.” Don’t leave your father crying foul because of your mistake.

You honestly can’t afford to divert your father’s hard-earned money to use on something you hadn’t agreed on and probably doesn’t benefit you or him! Your father will definitely come to know the reality and even without him saying a word, his hidden tears puncture your life.

“It is not to your credit.” In the long-run, you will lose simply because of a blunder you could avoid.

Your own honor comes from the respect that you show to your father, if children do not honor their mothers, it is their own disgrace.

Even the most arrogant or brutal personality expects to be respected. That is the irony of life. But God tells us here that you only deserve that demand if you respect your parents.

Surprisingly, the people you deal with may not even know the relationship between you and your parents.

The truth is, the moment you neglect God’s order to honor your parents, you invite the evil spirit to take control. It then manifests in the folks you expect honor from.

Sadly, you may not relate it to the relationship with your parents if you do not crave to understand the Word of God.

My son, take care of your father when he grows old; give him no cause for worry as long as he lives.

If your parents ever die before you, they should go smiling at all the good things you ever did for them. For instance, if they happen to live for long and get weary, their energy levels have to go down.

Don’t let your parents strain doing their house chores. Employ someone or live with your parents so that you can closely monitor their lives and health. Their peace of mind is a huge chunk of blessing in waiting for you.

NB: This is just but an example, there is more to it.

Be sympathetic even if his mind fails him; don’t look down on him just because you are strong and healthy.

You can never exchange your parents for others and if they die, there is no replacement. In whichever state they are, continue to love them and support them.

A failed mind can make the affected person distraught. God is telling you that since you are sane, it’s your responsibility to bend low and take all the insults that may come with your parents’ condition. In one word, persevere.

The Lord will not forget the kindness you show to your father; it will help you to make up for your sins.

No matter how much you have lived in sin, God will never forget the care you gave your parents. The moment you go back to God with a changed mind, ready to discard the sin from your life, it will take him lesser time to absolve you from your sins if you obeyed His Fourth Commandment.

In the real sense, you were stocking accolades. 

When you are in trouble, the Lord will remember your kindness and will help you; your sins will melt away like frost in warm sunshine.

I hope by now you realize that you cannot detach yourself from your parents whether they are still alive or not.

God looks back to your relationship with your parents any time you cry out to Him. If your parents are genuinely unhappy with you, I wonder how God will handle your prayers but I guess this is one of the reasons some people claim they have prayed for years but don’t experience changes.

Go back to your parents and sincerely make up with them if you recognize some blame in you. This is not a simple phone affair,  facial contact is paramount. Let them know that the one and the only reason that has made you travel all the way is to seek their forgiveness.

Those who abandon their parents or give them cause for anger may as well be cursing the Lord; they are already under the Lord’s curse.

In simple English; if you are not with your parents, you are not with the Lord.

You are the mountain that is sitting right between you and God and since you cannot roll yourself away to reach out to the Lord, you remain static.  



Isaiah 22:22; I will give Him complete authority under the King, the descendant of David. He will have the keys of office; what He opens, no one will shut, and what He shuts, no one will open.

One clarification I have heard often is that once Jesus shuts off the devil from your life, no one can ever have the audacity to open that loophole again. I am in total agreement with this explanation and I like the way people give a loud Amen to it. Jesus has the keys that open the gates to all the heavenly promises.

Do you realize that disobedience of the Fourth Commandment suggests you have shown the Lord your back? How would He communicate with someone who isn’t looking at Him?

Take note of the word “complete” in the verse (Isaiah 22:22).. Let me simply say that without Jesus you are caged in a cell.

If your actions necessitate a curse, even if it is unspoken, nobody can reverse it except Jesus. Remember to reach Jesus, you have to go through your parents. Parents give way first and then Jesus rubberstamps.

The Fourth Commandment as explained by the writer of the scripture in Sirach affirms that parents hold the keys of the heavenly gates here on earth. They have the keys of office; what they shut, no one will open and what they open, no one will shut. No matter how much you may seek counsel from peers or friends, this is beyond any human being. Care to open a friend’s inner eyes by sharing this article.

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Adultery – one of the monsters that consume families in broad daylight hit.

Getting married is one thing and maintaining the marriage is another. The pop up of adultery has often come as a shock to many victims. Betrayal is usually unexpected thus triggering emotional pain from the aggrieved party. You will agree with me that quite a number of the marriages you know have had to bear the pain of adultery.

Unfortunately, it is not easy to discuss betrayal matters, so many victims suffer in silence. In my research, I realized that it is important to know the exact source of the problem and then deal with it from there.

It is not possible to line all of them up here as the list is endless. Some are tiny fragments that flare up into a big issue if not attended. I have only listed five to give you a guideline but expounded on one.

You can, however, find the bigger picture of adultery in this keenly outsourced collection of data from real victims. Knowing that you have a counterpart who has worn the same shoes and gotten over it is a step in the healing process.

Five causes of Adultery.

  • There is often a general talk that seems to support adultery among peers. Those who easily get carried away find themselves becoming victims of adultery out of influence.
  • Material dissatisfaction has led many people into cheating with economic seniors whose wealth prowess is the attraction factor.
  • Disconnect with God denies victims the wisdom to put together all the pros and cons and come up with a tangible account as a guiding factor against adultery.
  • Some adulterers feel conquerors when people of the opposite sex run after them. They take advantage of any slight opportunity to get intimate with their easy catches.
  • The demeaning of one’s partner has adversely attracted betrayal.

The one point I will expound on resonates with the personality of the victim. Only one thing gives him the confidence to cheat on you. His achievements over your stay together period have widened the economic gap between the two of you. As a result, he begins to humiliate you. That is reason number five. I will use a true story to help you get the real picture.

How Irene transformed adultery into fidelity.

Irene is one woman who has never wanted her marriage to be a statistic among failed marriages. Appearing in the list of broken marriages has never been an option. She always wanted to do anything to keep her marriage alive and for life, like she promised when she uttered her vows on her wedding day.

Anytime her husband put her down, that is the first thing that rang in her mind – the vows. She did not want to taint her relationship with God. She only had one option, and that is to keep the marriage. Irene preferred to devise ways to solve the problem rather than run away from it.

How Irene changed her husband’s perspective on her.

It was about ten years into the marriage, and Irene already had three children. They had gained some comfort as a family compared to how they began the marriage. She studied her husband and came to the conclusion that his wealth was the driving factor that led him to adultery. Her only solution was to counter-attack his wealth to bring sanity in her home.

Irene began to engage in a small business besides her low paying job. When the business gained stability, she quit her job to give it her all. Her concentration in the business grew the income much faster, and within two years, she was able to earn much more than she did while in employment.

If you look back, you will agree with me that Irene’s husband was engaging in adultery based on her inability. He began to have some sense of respect for her and even apologized for earlier events.

Adultery shines light upon Irene’s family.

As the business expanded, demand superseded the supply yet Irene did not have enough workforce to run the business. It came at a time when her income was way above her husband’s income.  They had since reconciled, and he was keenly following the events of the business. He quit his job to join Irene in the now family business.

Irene’s family today.

Imagine yourself holding a lottery card not knowing that there are one million dollars underneath just awaiting your scratch! Irene was the lottery card for this family. Her husband was holding the lottery card although he scratched it via the pain of adultery. He accepted that he did it the wrong way and started working together with her to build the family empire. It is now a family of peace, wealth, and comfort.


Do not try scratching your lottery card via adultery. Your spouse’s personality may not be similar to Irene’s. Therefore, the results will not be the same. Yours could end up in total war and lifetime regrets. You can read more facts about infidelity here


I am not condoning adultery but making you understand that a problem can turn out to be your eye-opener. It does not have to be a case of betrayal!

Running away from a crisis has never been a solution. A worse difficulty may find its way into your life. It is wiser to seek God’s wisdom to use your trouble as a bridge to reaching out to the solutions.

Never underestimate your spouse’s ability. She or he may end up being the person that makes your life worth living.

You can transform an adultery story into something meaningful that goes a long way in helping another person. Someone’s mind could be at a standstill somewhere because his current situation may not allow him to figure out a solution. Your story could be a ‘God sent’ that re-energizes him and provides a solution. Better still, share this post with a friend!

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The mystical pain behind my wedding

Sometimes the wonders of life get me by surprise and one of such moments is my wedding. A month never ended before a priest mentioned the importance of solemnizing a marriage in church. For some reason which I did not understand then, the message went out as soon as it got into my ears. A wedding was not my priority. I suppose I just had not opened the entry door to my soul wide enough for Jesus to get in!

The lit-up Sunday

On one Sunday, I had an opportunity to listen to a lady narrate her adoration experience. I seemed to be unusually more attentive on that day. She spoke with a lot of emotion, and I thought; why not give it a try?

Unfortunately, my all-over sudden quest was brought down as soon as my desire stepped in. The presiding priest affirmed that only those who receive the Holy Eucharist are allowed to adore the Eucharistic Lord!

I got tongue-tied, “where do I start from,” I thought to myself? Giving up has never been part of my life, so I pursued after the mass, and there I was; allowed to attend adoration!

How retreats saved me

Within a few days, our parish hosted an inner healing retreat. I got bruised a second time when the teachings seemed to divide the attendees into two groups. Those who receive the Holy Communion can confess their sins, whereas those who do not should write them on a piece of paper and put them in the allocated container.

Why cheat!

I considered myself the greatest sinner! After benefitting so much from one retreat after the other, I thought of sharing the benefits with you too. You can find the details in this link.

I cried on and off, throughout the retreat; not because of how much I got hurt but because of how the urgency of a wedding hit me. Let me admit that the retreat uncorked my brain. When I was over and done with the retreat, I started preparing for my wedding!

My problem was more of connecting with Christ than the glamour almost everyone focuses on! We simply pulled resources and budgeted with what we had. The invitation was via phone. We picked a few committee members whose work was to help us plan for the wedding, and the day eventually came.

It has been years, but every day of my life, I thank God because the wedding is the best gift we ever gave to ourselves. A good thing is better shared so that those in need can benefit from it and that is why I write my story so that it can find and solve as many cases as possible.

I, however, admit that challenges differ from one person to another and have come up with a few common obstacles to many people’s wedding desires. As I explain, I will concentrate on what resonates with my case. 

Four obstacles to wedding desires

  • Parents may insist on full dowry payment before they okay their daughter’s wedding. Let me not go deeper into this because it involves a third party (parents). Nevertheless, you’re the only one who can know how to deal with the situation since they all differ from culture to culture, spiritual maturity notwithstanding.
  • Self-denial. Wanting to be what you are not can keep you in a come-we-stay marriage for years. One thing I believe is that you can spend as much money as you have or as little as you can afford to wed. Remember you can only scratch your back up to a certain point and the wedding is all about your relationship with God and not what your relatives, friends, neighbors or colleagues think about it.
  • Your partner may be least interested in the wedding, thus requiring greater wisdom to deal with the situation.   
  • Ignorance of the importance of a wedding.

To be honest, I was a bit ignorant; I did not give a wedding the importance it deserved. When I saw the light, I knew buying time would kill the morale and take me back to that comfort zone I wanted to leave. Whatever people thought was not my problem but rather my relationship with Christ.

As I give a snippet of my story, I encourage couples who have not yet recognized the secrets behind a church wedding to dig deeper and get to know what they are missing. My wedding was one of the simplest, but the aftermath effect is a long, interesting story for another day.

Financial implications

Many are the times we get lost in perceiving a wedding to be one of the most costly events. I have met several couples who tag their prospective weddings to a specific cash figure. My case was unique. I was all over sudden desperate to receive the Holy Eucharist, and nothing was going to stop me from getting there as you can tell from the expenditure as listed!

There were no wedding cards!

No ladies and gents in the lineup; just the four of us; we and our best couple!

A few witnesses involved!

No white or cream dress!

Caterers did not have an opportunity to make money!

No hired reception venue!

We did not need to hire tents and chairs!

No hired entertainment band!

A sizable cake enough for the visitors was good enough; no seven-tier cake!

No debts!

Cheap is not a sin

My dress cost me five thousand Kenya shillings; shoes seven hundred Kenya shillings and veil Kenya shillings five hundred, to mention a few! If you want a cheap but fabulous wedding, find more tips here.

If only I had a video trail to attach! From the video, you would realize it just looks like one of those big weddings apart from the not-white dress, which is conspicuous! However, friends and relatives will never fail to unleash surprises.

By the way, most people who have seen my wedding photos ask one question. Why did you decide to wear a normal dress? My answer is always simple; we need to have a proper appointment for you to understand my choice because it’s not just a quick answer.


The sacredness of a marriage is sealed on the wedding day.
My small wedding with lots of unexpected gifts

One of our friends wouldn’t imagine a wedding without flowers. She took it upon herself to incur the costs. The cars, hotel, and the church had quite some decorations courtesy of her contribution.

Another friend wondered how the event would look like without entertainment. He veered in with entertainers who made the occasion more interesting.

You must be wondering if people had something to eat, considering we had no caterers. We booked space and lunch for the small expected number in a hotel. To seal the deal, the cash presents were good enough to pay the bill!

Besides, God will always send His people to give support where He sees a loophole for as long as it is all for His glory. He is the same God who converted water to wine at the wedding in Cana!

My final thoughts

Someone out there is in the situation I was in when I badly needed to receive the Holy Communion. I would say give your desire to wed a different approach and see what happens. Minimize your demands! Leave the world alone and focus on God! Without a doubt, slanderers must talk irrespective of whether the wedding is small or big! It has not deterred us from getting to where we are today; it, in fact, hastened the process.

God says; come the way you are, so, go down the aisle the way you are! You may not see the need until you are in a situation similar to what the Israelites experienced in Egypt. The Egyptians in your case are all the forces that are trying to make sure you don’t marry in the church; rest assured they exist even if you cannot identify them. Why wait? A wedding is like Moses striking the red sea for the Israelites (you) to get to the Promised Land.

A copy of this book will undoubtedly go a long way in enlightening you on marriage and wedding matters that seal the deal as the saying “till death do us part” comes true.