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Forgive and forget is a song that you’ve heard more often than not. Although its roots are in the Bible, it is one of the virtues many Catholics are struggling with to date.
Forgiveness is a measure of your emotional quotient. It speaks volumes as regards your relationship with your husband, children, and everyone around you.
Compassion is a unit in your life study, and your perpetrators are the lecturers. Do you expect to pass the examination after skiving lectures? The answer is a big no! People who offend you teach you for free. Your husband may be the closest and most disgusting lecturer, but the notes you write down from his lessons will leave footprints in your family.
Assume you’ve already taken down the notes but ask yourself one question.
Why do you find it too difficult to forgive?
The lecturer cannot rise to teach, and you jump up to teach him instead! You will miss the lesson God prepared for you on that day! Verbal or physical attacks towards your husband will only cause destruction.
Before you know the three lessons, why not get the damage unforgiveness causes!
What happens to you when you don’t forgive
First of all, you will suffer the pain alone. The person who hurts you hardly remembers it!
When you get angry, you think more. You’ll undoubtedly not be thinking of how to surprise your husband with a big bash on his next birthday! Anger spikes negative energy. It grows into bitterness. Next, your inner conscience suggests revenge. Before you know it, you’re regretting your reaction! The thoughts will lead you to hate your husband more.
I bet there are long-term clinical effects of the negative manifestations of unforgiveness. When you store anger in your system for too long, get ready to cut down your lifespan. The state of your mind triggers some ailments.
Ulcers, high blood pressure, depression, and anxiety, among other sicknesses, do not happen in a day. Once your mind gets altered, tension builds up in your body. Next, your acid levels get high. Worries shoot your blood pressure to abnormal levels. Before you know it, you are overthinking.
Meanwhile, when you are bitter, you will most likely skip prayer. Your imperfect husband annoys you again. The cycle continues.
Does holding the grudge make your life better?
You suffer; he doesn’t!
Why not make up your mind to take up whatever strategy works best for you to forgive? Fr. Ed. Broom gives a detailed structure you can follow to begin your journey of forgiving your spouse. You can copy-paste the same as you extend your forgiveness to everyone else who has wronged you.
These are the lessons you need to carry along as you try getting yourself back to what God expects of you.
Never forget. Use your pain as a testimony
Many are the times you will hear forgive and forget in sermons and general talks. Looking at it practically, is it possible to forget? Most of the time, you walk out dissatisfied and feel inadequately served with information. I know what it feels; I’ve been there!
My mind tried several times to move in all directions imagining how to implement the forgetting part of it. It couldn’t work!
I rephrased the forgetting commonly referred to by advisers to mean, even if you remember, you don’t feel the pain. When you get there, you have conquered the devil! Only talk about your experience to someone who needs encouragement. Avoid that wife who is looking for a partner in crime to bring her marriage down!
Imagine if all the transgressions committed by people in the Bible got forgotten! Would we even have the Bible? How would we believe in Jesus without history?
Your testimony is history enough as mother Teresa says, you don’t have to change the whole world. You can help one person.
Forgive but be cautious
Yes, you have chosen to forgive, but you need to answer a few questions right. Does your spouse hurt you intentionally? Will he apologize? Does he try to avoid the habits that annoy you? Your answers determine how you will live with him henceforth.
When I say be cautious, I don’t mean you wait to pounce on him like a hungry python when he goes astray. I mean, know your spouse in detail. Love can blind you to the extent you wouldn’t bother about your spouse until something goes wrong. It always looks rosy until it goes sour.
Now that you have decided to knit your lips together, use your brain to read between the lines. Soon, God will present an idea of how you can help him out of that bad habit.
Taking caution does not mean preparing yourself to run away from the marriage. When you forgive, you arm yourself with the right tools to fight the enemy.
Take measures that counter the reason behind his disrespect for you
I have always told women, “I hope you are not the type of a wife who keeps saying I got tired of praying for my husband.” Avoiding the problem has never been a solution.
When you forgive, you have to outshine him with a challenge. Without becoming boastful or disrespecting him, unleash your inner self. You are gifted. Use your power of intercession to level the ground. Intercession is a spiritual gift every woman has.
Are you still doubting if prayer works? It surely does!
Secondly, prayer without action will not work.
James 2: 26; So then, as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without actions is dead.
Most women make a grievous mistake when they get married, and this is it. Stepping back and expecting him to provide. Women are so gullible and prone to trusting their husbands in excess.
Learn lessons from the treatment you received when you had no income and never look back. Organize your home, and silence him with a renewed you. That way, he will realize you are not what he thought and avoid unwarranted humiliation.
Maybe you’re sitting there and looking at my sentiments as incitement. Never mind, I’ve heard that in my mentorship classes. People who have never seen the commonly referred to true colors of their husbands talk like that.
Take note that human nature has never changed. Even before Jesus came, the Israelites wanted Moses to allow them to get rid of their wives at their wish (Deuteronomy 24)! Practically, the male mind is a bit selfish.
Once you forgive him, you have to pray and act to balance his thoughts.
If you don’t forgive, you will compromise your health and live on medication. What if the worst happens? Your children may have to bear the brunt of living with your husband’s new unfriendly wife! Quitting the marriage has never been a better solution.
I have a suggestion.
Use your sweet voice to compose a 15 seconds song using these three words. FORGIVE, PRAY, and ACT. Make sure you mention Jesus in half the song. Precisely, you’re coming up with a melodious prayer. Any time you feel like grabbing your husband by the collar, silently sing the song. It will calm you down and shape your relationship.
Picture that friend who finds it hard to forgive? What if she reads this post? Won’t it make her a better person? Sharing is caring!